If you are interested in sharing your story of your loss or your rainbow, please share your story in the contact section of our website. We are looking to support families during this incredible solemn month of October and beyond. We would love to include your story to provide hope and let others know that they are not alone.
A big part of the journey of loss is the loneliness that many feel. Sharing stories is a way to encourage and support each other on our individual journeys. Many people feel better when they talk about their baby because they don’t feel so alone. Be brave and fearless and share your baby’s story with us. 🙂
October 2, 2017
This story comes from us from http://www.mothermag.com/
Jessica, one miscarriage, 16 weeks.
My first pregnancy was seamless. We traipsed around the world, enjoying my blooming belly and our final days as just two. Years later, I was ambivalent about having a second child. I thought perhaps our lives as a threesome should simply remain joyous and who knew how things would shift if we added more to the mix? Until I changed my mind. My subsequent pregnancy ended in miscarriage at 16 weeks. I began spotting and within a few days the baby emerged. My unmedicated D&Cwas a necessity, as I began to hemorrhage. The pain of the procedure didn’t match the excruciating emotions I felt as I lay there, digesting this trauma and the loss of a daughter I will never know. The next few months were a blur. I put one foot in front of the other, but I’m still not sure how I managed to make my way in the world. As I psychologist, I specialized in women’s reproductive and maternal mental health long before my own miscarriage experience. I had heard many stories of heart-wrenching pregnancy losses, but had yet to understand from a corporeal perspective. My second trimester loss has profoundly shifted my work and has invariably changed me as a person more broadly. I went on to get pregnant soon thereafter, and now have a toddler whose humor has me bent over in belly laughter. Pregnancy after pregnancy loss was incredibly anxiety producing—fear sometimes took over my day. Until my daughter was nestled in my arms, it was difficult to believe that she was actually going to be a part of our family. Now a family of four.
October 3, 2017
Thanks, Jody for the video. 🙂
For every aching mom who longs to hold her baby…
October 4, 2017
From Paula, who was brave and shared her story with us! Thank you, Paula!
The experience of child loss is one I do not wish on my worst enemy.
The knowledge and excitement that accompanies a positive pregnancy test to be soon followed by unexplained spotting, premature cramping and a morbid voice saying “I am There is no heartbeat” is just about the worst flip of emotions anyone can and should experience.
My positive test came in November of 2016. We were not trying, but we were not preventing. We had a very easy, very charmed first pregnancy – our 3 year old. And we thought “Well, its good time to add another.”
So it began: scheduling doctor’s appointments, taking prenatal vitamins, beginning to consider the financial implications, making plans to increase our savings, lessen our household debt and so on.
At around the 6 week mark, I began to get some very uncomfortable dull lower back pains, felt like my bones were being crushed under weights, but I chalked it up to the infamous round ligament stretching. A few days after that I had some light pink spotting, but no cramping. Dr. Google stated it was possibly break through bleeding; again, I breathed deeply, told myself I had an extremely successful first pregnancy, I cannot lose babies.
December 26th, in the height of a family gathering for the holiday period, I felt a gush and my pelvic area instantly began to ache. I went to the bathroom to meet my worst nightmare. Bright red blood EVERYWHERE! I remember calling my husband who was in the yard on my cellphone from the bathroom. All I said was “Come to the bathroom.” When he opened the door, I couldn’t get any words out, just leaned my underwear to his direction.
We both “knew” but could not get the words out. That night I passed our 6-week old baby on the floor of our bathroom. The remainder of the holiday season was a blur. I was a mess of self depreciating thoughts, tears and blood.
I felt disgusted with myself. I hated my body. How could it not DO what it was created to DO!?
Fast forward to April 2017: my cycle was quite erratic but I was tracking to see if it would pan out. When the estimated week came and I showed no signs of PMS I figured I was pregnant. I cried for days considering the possibility of losing again! I found that I could not get attached in those first few weeks, just because I was expecting to miscarry.
I was a bumbling, trembling mess when I took those tests in my apartment bathroom. I was a hyperventilating mess when I woke my husband to show him; forget cute “We’ve got a bun in the oven” announcements. Mine was more like “Babe, oh God! Its positive!” *let the crying ensue*
Its October 2017 and we are 26 weeks pregnant. Due very late Dec 2017/very early January 2018! And the reality is only now setting in that this baby might be coming home. I still get a jolt every time I go to the bathroom. My angel is NEVER out of my thoughts. He or she would have been 3 months by now. That does not mean I do not love my rainbow baby. But I do wonder how life would have been if my angel had lived.
The thing is, miscarriages are the deepest experience of hopelessness. We feel like we simply cannot move on. I swore I would never get pregnant ever again! I was convinced children were not for me. I was made to have only one child. I lost ALL hope!
In those, my darkest moments, that is when I discovered the power of Positivity.
In those, my darkest moments, that is when I discovered the power of inner peace.
In those, my darkest moments that is when i discovered the power of Hope and Prayer.
I learned that to get that rainbow, we have to appreciate the rain.
Because there IS hope!
October 5, 2017
“Each one of us must find peace from within. And peace, to be real, must be unaffected by outside circumstances.” -Ghandi
October 6, 2017
A family that we sent a keepsake bag to sent me this tonight and I thought I should share it. I think she is awesome and so is the quote.
October 9, 2017
This story of a loss and a rainbow was shared by Alicia. Thanks for sharing your story, Alicia!
Most of my family & friends know about my struggles with fertility as I am very open about my miscarriages. I hope that my story and experiences; whether they be good or bad can help someone along the way.
In 2006 I experienced my 1st loss. That was the beginning of an 8 year battle. I experienced 8 losses all before I reached 10 weeks. After the 2nd miscarriage I started to see OBGYN’S. I have seen 3 OBGYN’S, 1 specialist, multiple blood tests done, 1 dye test done, 2 investigation type surgeries all to be told that I was very fertile but they were unsure as to why I was having recurrent miscarriages.
In January 2014 I was reading a magazine and came upon an article about acupuncture and fertility. This article made me very curious, so I began to research the benefits of acupuncture and fertility. After all the research I did, I decided to find an acupuncturist in my area. In Febraury 2014 i meet with one in my area. After months of acupuncture and herbal medicine I could tell that my body was changing. I was given the OK to try and get pregnant at the end of August. Oct 21st 2014 I found out I was pregnant.
Of course there was a lot of fear and anxiety that came with the good news. I had finally found a Doctor that was supportive and followed the pregnancy right from the beginning. I had several scans in the Dr office has he had an ultrasound machine there. I can’t tell you how much that helped during the first several weeks of the pregnancy. Especially after experience spotting twice during the time I would normally miscarry. I could see that my baby was OK and that there was a heartbeat even though it was still to little to hear with a doppler.
Throughout the pregnancy I continued with the acupuncture. My acupuncturist was extremely supportive throughout my entire experience. On July 8th 2015 at 40 + 3 days I went into labor at 6: 15 am. Breanne was born at 9:21pm via emergency c-section due to being breach.
Fast forward 15 months, I found out I was pregnant again. Come to find out I was due the exact same day as Breanne. Again I had a lot of anxiety and fear as I didn’t began taking acupuncture ahead of time like i had with my previous pregnancy. I made the decision to have another c-section as there is pros and cons to having a 2nd c-section.
On June 28th 2017 Emily was born at 8:44am via planned c-section.
We had gone through a rough storm. But at the end we recieved a beautiful rainbow and a pot of gold.
October 10, 2017
Meditation sometimes helps with grief.
October 11, 2017
This is one of my favorite quotes about losing a baby.
October 12, 2017
The Starfish Story-one of my favorites about Olie’s impact.
October 13, 2017
Why was a question I asked myself over and over after I lost Olie.